THE WAY THINGS ARE

Greek American David Sedaris is an inimitable raconteur, an irreverent and brilliant wit whose jokes can be blunt, but never tainted with coarseness or discrimination. He’s gay, happy in his very successful skin and, in his 60s, has probably met with homophobia.

He spoke of meeting the Queen and Pope Francis. Not being in thrall to either royalty or religion, while both were viewed favourably as individuals with the ability to impress by sheer force of aura, living very different lives, neither was spared the sharp honesty of his first impressions.

The queen’s height hit him, ‘She was so tiny her feet looked like burger buns.’ And Pope Francis ‘…. wore a cross big enough to crucify the tiny queen on!’

He was surprised by his chances to meet them as he hadn’t expected the opportunity. Elizabeth was awarding him for his environmental work in the UK (he’s a voluntary, pick-up litter force), and he felt others were far more deserving of a papal hello than him.

The film Conclave, from a book by Robert Harris, starring the great Ralph Fiennes, came out around the time Francis became ill, as I had started to watch The Two Popes starring two other acting greats, Anthony Hopkins as ultra conservative Benedict, and the man of the down trodden and poor with Italian blood in his veins, his successor, Francis.

The difference between both popes is stark, Benedict’s attitude, closer to the old autocratic, aristocratic style of early Rome contrasting with that of a humbler man who, following the example of his beloved Christ, believed in simplicity. He died at a time in the religious calendar he loved, Easter with its resurrection of Christ and hope, retaining in death typical simplicity in his choice of coffin, funeral and burial.

In The Two Popes he has to change into papal robes to greet the masses gathered to celebrate his joyful election. To raised eyebrows, he refuses the traditional red shoes, retaining his own footwear. His visit to the Philippines drew enormous crowds of the faithful, many of the devout Catholic families cheering for him living in dire poverty, parenting large families.

I thought, looking at the rich robes and expensive jewellery of the church hierarchy, as they sat in the reenacted conclave, of the sheer cost of clothing these men. Attire for mere clerical duties of a priest is expensive, let alone to house, provide cars or drivers and a good lifestyle for the princes of the church. How many poor Filipino families could be fed for the price of all their tailored robes?

When believers have to avoid contraception, does the Vatican contribute child allowance for Catholic Filipino women who endure constant pregnancies, many in double digits, at huge cost to their health?

Old establishments like the Vatican and its ordained population are slow-to-stalling on change. Several Francises might get these rigid elites to wear simple robes like the Christ they profess to worship, rid themselves of trappings deemed fit for Popes in the Renaissance era of the Medicis, to swap their gold and silver ornamentation for a wooden cross on a string, leaving only the fisherman’s ring as symbol of office.

Pope John Paul II made Francis a cardinal in 2001. By then, the Church’s horrendous paedophile scandals were public knowledge. Was Francis totally unaware of its breadth in such an exclusive, self-protecting community? If so, he stayed silent. He canonised Pope John Paul II, who some victims said, was fully cognitive of paedophile crimes, but forgave them, did not defrock them or inform the authorities, expecting forgiveness to restrain men sworn to celibacy, continuing to abuse so many children, grievous sin hidden rather than exposed, good priests viewed with equal suspicion.

Will the next pope be of the people, forthright in comment against political injustice wherever he sees it? Or one in the image of Benedict, intellectual but fearful of changing the mode of aristocrats for the simplicity of Christ’s life as he dons his expensive attire for his debut on the balcony? Christ befriended women companions; Francis and Rome are both far behind that tolerance.